How we met- ‘We have lots of friends. We have a naked dinner with a pool party once a month’

Kevin and Harold, both 71, met at a bar in St Louis in 1991. They fell in love and now live together in Palm Springs, California
Lizzie CernikThu 10 Oct 2024 05.00 EDTLast modified on Thu 10 Oct 2024 05.03 EDTShareIn 1991, Kevin was living in St Louis, Missouri, working as a management trainer for the local government, and enjoying going out at the weekends. “I’d split up with my former partner about eight months before,” he says. “I wasn’t especially looking for a relationship but I was enjoying meeting new people.”
That October, he went to a “leather and Levi’s” gay bar, where everyone wore their favourite leather or denim outfits. “I wore jeans and when I arrived everyone else was wearing leather except for one other guy.” Due to their matching attire, they struck up a conversation at the bar.
“When I spotted Kevin, I liked him,” says Harold. “He was tall with a very square jaw, which gave him an edgy look.” Like Kevin, Harold was also living and working in St Louis. “I was an elementary school teacher and definitely keen to find a partner at the time,” he says.
View image in fullscreen‘We were always getting invited to parties’ … Harold and KevinThe conversation between them flowed easily, and they kissed that night. After exchanging phone numbers, Harold left a message for Kevin the following week. “For our first date, we went to see Les Misérables,” says Kevin. “We had tickets for a different night and accidentally went on the wrong date. Luckily, they seated us anyway and we laughed about it.”
Straight away, Harold says he knew Kevin was a keeper. “He was good-looking and really level-headed,” he says. Kevin thought Harold was “very sweet” and they agreed to keep seeing each other. A few months later, Kevin’s mother died. “Even though we’d only been together a short time, Harold was very supportive. He listened to me every time I needed to talk,” says Kevin. “He was in Kansas City with family at the time and we had some long-distance calls.”
Things got serious between them quickly and they moved to a large apartment together in the summer of 1992. “We had a really active and fun social life,” says Kevin. “Neither of us were out at our jobs, but there were plenty of gay bars to go to on the weekend, and we were always getting invited to parties with friends.”
They also loved travelling. “We visited lots of places like New Orleans, Washington DC, Michigan and San Francisco, as well as London,” says Harold. After seven years together, they opened their relationship and began having threesomes, as well as additional partners. “We’ve been with different people at different periods, but we’ve always been each other’s primary partners,” says Kevin. “We’re each other’s number one.”
In 2001, Harold retired from teaching and Kevin felt ready for a change after becoming burnt out at work. They moved to California, where Kevin got a job as a director’s assistant in local government. A few years later, he switched careers and began working as an instructional designer of university courses, first in California, then Santa Fe in New Mexico and Las Vegas, Nevada, where they stayed for six years. “I enjoyed making friends with all our neighbours and became a dog-sitter,” says Harold.
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Please share your story if you are 18 or over, anonymously if you wish. For more information please see our terms of service and privacy policy.Tell us hereYour responses, which can be anonymous, are secure as the form is encrypted and only the Guardian has access to your contributions. We will only use the data you provide us for the purpose of the feature and we will delete any personal data when we no longer require it for this purpose. For true anonymity please use our SecureDrop service instead.Show moreIn 2015, Harold was diagnosed with lymphoma, and Kevin supported him through treatment. “Luckily it was curable,” says Harold. “The chemotherapy made me tired, but he was always there for me.” For Kevin, it was a big shock but he tried to be as emotionally supportive as he could be. “At the time, I remember coming home from the doctor and having a big cry.”
The following year they retired to Palm Springs, California, where there is a thriving gay community. “We have lots of friends here and we joined some social clubs,” says Kevin. “We also have a naked dinner with a pool party once a month.”
Harold loves that his partner is full of great ideas. “He’ll come up with a whole travel plan and all I do is pack and go. It’s like having my own live-in travel agent,” he laughs. “Whatever happens, he’s there for me and I’m never alone.”
Kevin describes Harold as his anchor. “I am more volatile than he is and he looks after me. He’s the keeper of the home and makes sure our chequebooks are balanced,” he says. “I really appreciate him. It’s evolved into a calm, comfortable love.”